JK Rowling Meets Horrible Harry
by Hobbittmom
Summary: Satan intervenes and sets Hogwarts free. They get back at J.K. Rowling
1. Default Chapter

J.K. Rowling Meets Horrible Harry  
  
I do not own J.K. Rowling or anything associated with Hogwarts, but I hope  
you enjoy this story. Warning: Contains spoilers.  
  
Prologue  
  
Satan looked into her mirror and saw the flash of her brown eyes. An evil grin came to her face. "Let's see what happens when the real and the fictional meet," she thought to herself. She took off her clothes. All that she wore was a pentacle around her neck. She cast a circle and called her minions to help her. "Come Air, come Fire, come Water, come Earth! Come to me and be with me! Come demons of the underworld, elementals, come to me! Be with me tonight as I work my magic!"  
A misty glow in the shape of a dome surrounded Satan. Within it shapes could be seen flitting to and fro. In the center Satan stood naked and smiled as her helpers flew about her.  
"Now to contact Hogwarts," she thought to herself.  
She went to the East gate and cut open a door. "I speak to the other universe! The universe of Hogwarts! Hear my voice! Harry Potter! I call out to you in the darkness! Hear my voice!" Again and again she called out to the East gate. Eventually, she heard a voice.  
"Who is this?" asked a boy's voice with an English accent.  
Satan smiled to herself. "Harry Potter, you do not know me but I have much to tell you."  
"Who are you?" He asked again. "Why is your voice in my head?"  
"I can't tell you my name but I am speaking to you telepathically from another universe."  
"I don't believe it," he said. "Who are you?"  
"I really am from another universe," said Satan, "and I am speaking to you telepathically. Now I have much to tell you. You must listen."  
"Do you work for Lord Voldemort? Are you a Death Eater who's invaded my mind?"  
  
"No Harry. Alright, I'll tell you my name, but don't be afraid, ok?"  
There was silence in Satan's circle as if whoever was listening was waiting intently.  
"My name is Satan," she said. "I'm a witch in my universe. I'm calling out to you to set you free."  
Still there was silence. Satan waited the space of two minutes and then called out again. "Harry? Are you there?"  
There was a chuckle. "Satan. I don't believe it," he said. "Why would Satan talk to me?"  
"I am Satan Harry. It's my job to make people free from slavery. That's what I'm doing for you."  
"I'm not a slave," said Harry.  
"Yes you are," said Satan. "You're a fictional character."  
"I'm a what?" He asked.  
"You're a fictional character. I read about you in books."  
  
"I don't believe it!" Harry shouted.  
"You don't have to shout," said Satan. "I can hear you just fine."  
"I'm not a fictional character," said Harry.  
"Yes you are," said Satan. "And I can prove it to you."  
"Alright then," said Harry. "Go ahead and prove it.  
Satan then proceeded to tell Harry about the events that happened in the books. Harry was quiet throughout. When Satan was done reciting what had happened in Harry's life, including things that he had done when he was alone, Harry spoke up.  
"How do you know all this stuff?" He asked.  
"I told you. You're a fictional character in a series of books. That's how I know so much."  
Harry was silent.  
"Harry?" Asked Satan. "Are you there?"  
  
"Yes," said Harry. "What do you want?"  
"I told you. I want to set you free."  
"What do you mean set me free?"  
"I don't like a lot of what the author has written about you, so I decided to set you free. You are no longer under her control. I used witchcraft from my universe to free you. You're a free person now."  
Again Harry was silent. Then he spoke up.  
"So what happens now?" He asked.  
"You're free. You get to decide how your life will go from now on. The author can't control you anymore."  
"What about the prophecy?" Asked Harry.  
"It's up to you now, Harry. You can fulfill it if you want to or not."  
"No," said Harry. "I have to fulfill it. I'm destined to destroy Lord Voldemort."  
"I know," said Satan. "But listen, there's more at stake here than Lord Voldemort. There's the author to consider."  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Have you ever wanted to get back at the person who hurt you?"  
"You know I have," said Harry. "I'd like to get back at the Dursley's and especially Lord Voldemort."  
"No Harry," said Satan. "You're thinking small. Think bigger. Think of the author."  
"Ok," said Harry. "What about him?"  
  
"Her," said Satan. "It's a her and her name is J.K. Rowling. How about getting back at her for all the horrible things she did to you."  
There was silence in Satan's head for awhile.  
"So what do you think?" Asked Satan.  
"Let me think about it," said Harry. "And I have to talk to some people first."  
"I know. And Harry, I can use my witchcraft and talk to those people too, if you want. We can sort of have a conference."  
"No," said Harry. "Don't do that. I'll send Hedwig out. But I don't think they'll believe me."  
"They will if they hear me talking in their heads," said Satan.  
"True," said Harry. "But let me talk to them first."  
  
"Alright," said Satan. "I'll contact you again tomorrow night."  
Satan then closed the East gate. She bid farewell to her minions and closed the circle. Once she had put her clothes back on, she smiled again to herself. This was going to be fun. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Night two came on. The moon was and it was full. Satan shed her clothes again, cast her circle and called Hogwarts. She had heard that J. K. Rowling was due to give an interview. Satan needed to work fast.

"Harry, do you hear me?"  
"I hear you, what do you want? I was going to the loo."  
"Sorry. It's just I need to bring a few of you over if we're going to get back at Rowling."

"How are you going to do that?"  
"I'm very powerful, Harry. I can cut a doorway and bring you and your friends over."  
"Oh. Well, I told Ron and Hermione and Hagrid. They didn't believe me."  
"Have you told Dumbledore?"  
"No, he's hard to get a hold of."  
"Oh. Well, they might believe you if they heard me."  
"Alright. Go ahead. I don't relish a stay at St. Mungos anyway."

Satan called out. Soon she heard Ron's voice, Hermione's and Dumbledore's."  
"What's going on?" Asked Dumbledore.

"I'm Satan and I have to free you from the author's control. Just do as I ask and everything will be alright."  
"Satan?" Asked Dumbledore. "There's no such person."

"There is in another universe."

"Are you saying you're in another universe?" Asked Hermione.

"Yes. I'm saying that. I'm Satan and I'm calling out to you from another universe."

"Wow!" Exclaimed Ron. "I thought Harry was mental!"  
"Thanks," said Harry.

"Listen, Rowling is giving an interview in a few days and I need to bring you over so we can get back at her. Will you do it?"  
"You're saying we're fictional and J.K. Rowling is our author, right?" Asked Dumbledore.

"Yes," said Satan.

"We have reason to get back at her, but what's yours?" He asked.

"Oh, that's personal," she said.

"I think we need to know your reasons for getting back at Rowling," said Dumbledore.

"I'll tell you once it's over."

"I'm in," said Harry. "I've had loads of trouble."  
"I'm in if Harry's in," said Ron.

"Oh you two. It could be dangerous! You don't what you're dealing with! Satan of all people!" Shouted Hermione.

"I think we should do this," said Dumbledore. "I'm interested in the magic Satan is using. I'm in."  
Satan smiled to herself. She didn't want to admit it but besides bringing down Rowling she was also highly interested in Harry Potter. He didn't know it yet but she had a crush on him.

"What's that?" Asked Harry.

Silence greeted him.

Eventually, all agreed to cross over and Satan promised to make things ready for them.

They bid each other good bye and Satan carefully closed the circle. Things were moving apace.


End file.
